there was a young man
who sent e-mails
The incomplete collected
limericks of Richard C. Long
There Was a Young Man Who Sent E-Mails.
There was
a young man who sent e-mails,
To various dubious
females,
When asked what they said,
He just shook his head;
I'd rather
not go into details.
©1998,
2003. FIRST
PUBLISHED IN POETIC
HOURS ISSUE 10,
SPRING 1998
REPRINTED IN ENGLISH FOR
MALAYSIANS, PELANDUK
PUBLICATIONS, 2003
The Trains on
The
trains on London Underground,
Go underground and
overground,
If you in vain,
Should stop a
train,
The penalty is £50.
©1998, 2002. FIRST PUBLISHED IN POETIC HOURS ISSUE 11, AUTUMN 1998
God
utters the words of creation,
Abraham fathers a
nation,
Old Testament gloom,
Jesus raised from a tomb,
Acts, letters
and then Revelation.
©1998,
2002. FIRST
PUBLISHED IN POETIC
HOURS ISSUE 11,
AUTUMN 1998
REPRINTED IN POETIC
PARABLES, TRIUMPH
HOUSE, 2001
There Was a Young Woman From Stroud.
There was
a young woman from Stroud,
Whose artistic skills did
her proud,
She thought it not rude,
To paint in the nude,
And soon drew
a sizeable crowd.
©1999, 2002. FIRST PUBLISHED IN POETIC HOURS ISSUE 12, SPRING 1999
There Was an Old Doctor Named Spooner.
There was
an old Doctor named Spooner,
A target for every
lampooner,
If the meeches he sputtered,
Had not
spleen so buttered,
We'd no doubt forget him such mooner.
©1999, 2002. FIRST PUBLISHED IN FIRST TIME ISSUE 36, SPRING 1999
There is No-One More Foolish Than Us.
There was
a young man who said; 'Thus,
There is no-one more
foolish than us,
When we think we may score,
In the lottery draw,
We'd
more likely be hit by a bus.'
©1999, 2002. FIRST PUBLISHED IN POETIC HOURS ISSUE 13, AUTUMN 1999
Everything I Know About the Scots.
The Scots
are a race most spartan,
Whom defeat does not dishearten,
To wear a
sporran,
Is not deemed foreign,
Nor men in skirts of tartan.
©1999, 2000. FIRST PUBLISHED IN QUANTUM LEAP ISSUE 5, JANUARY 1999
There Was a Young Man Who Said Damn.
There was
a young man who said; 'Damn!,
It appears my whole life is a sham,
My
outward depiction,
Is merely a fiction,
Not really the man that I
am.'
©1999, 2002. FIRST PUBLISHED IN POETIC HOURS ISSUE 13, AUTUMN 1999
A
scientist living in Bude,
Genetically modified food,
He altered the
genes,
Of carrots and beans,
For reasons I cannot conclude.
©1999,
2002. FIRST
PUBLISHED IN POETIC
HOURS ISSUE 13,
AUTUMN 1999
REPRINTED IN A MIND'S
CALLING, POETRY
NOW, 2000
There was
a young poet said; 'Fine!,
I shall now write a post-modern rhyme,
But
deconstructin' the medium,
Is just so much
tedium,
I don't think I'll write the last line.'
©1999, 2002. FIRST PUBLISHED IN POETIC HOURS ISSUE 13, AUTUMN 1999
There Was a Young Man From Prestatyn.
There was
a young man from Prestatyn,
Who fancied he ought to learn Latin,
He said; 'I
shall speak,
Of my hatred of leek,
But the Welsh don't have words to put
that in.'
©1999, 2002. FIRST PUBLISHED IN QUANTUM LEAP ISSUE 5, JANUARY 1999
There was
a young person named Gray,
Who youthful forever did
stay,
But up in the attic,
Things weren't quite so static,
His picture
grew older each day.
©1999, 2002. FIRST PUBLISHED IN QUANTUM LEAP ISSUE 5, JANUARY 1999
All These Poems I Have Penned.
All these
poems I have penned,
Each shares a common
trend,
For some at the start,
May appear to be art,
But they all go
downhill at the end.
©1999, 2002. FIRST PUBLISHED IN POETIC HOURS ISSUE 13, AUTUMN 1999
There was
a young person named Trevor,
Who said; 'I think I'd quite like to be
clever,
I think I'd be less denser,
If they'd let me into Mensa,
I'll join if they ask.' But they
never.
©1999, 2002. FIRST PUBLISHED IN QUANTUM LEAP ISSUE 5, JANUARY 1999
When I'm Dead.
When I'm
dead there'll be no need to moan,
Just bury me next to my phone,
To waken
my slumber,
Just dial my number,
And speak to me after the
tone.
©1999, 2002. FIRST PUBLISHED IN POETIC HOURS ISSUE 12, SPRING 1999
There was
a young man who said; 'Look!,
I perceive the demise
of the book,
The past we'll forget,
Now we all surf the net.'
I hope
that young man was mistook.
©1999, 2002. FIRST PUBLISHED IN POETIC HOURS ISSUE 12, SPRING 1999
Some
people might think it a con,
(This new plan that I've hit upon),
But I'll
now take the credit,
When you don't know who said it,
Since changing my
name to
~~~~~~~~~~.........~~~~~~~~~Anon.
©1999, 2002. FIRST PUBLISHED IN POETIC HOURS ISSUE 12, SPRING 1999
Poem on the Statistical Probability of Death.
There was
a young woman from
Who
thought death an unlikely event,
'Not so', I told her,
'Whilst we may grow
older,
The chance is one hundred percent.'
©1998, 2002. FIRST PUBLISHED IN POETIC HOURS ISSUE 11, AUTUMN 1998
Ode to The Hammersmith & City Line.
The
Hammersmith & City Line,
Is not a very pretty
line,
So cut your loss,
Change at King's Cross,
Get on an InterCity line.
©1999, 2002. FIRST PUBLISHED IN POETIC HOURS ISSUE 13, AUTUMN 1999
There
once was a young man who said;
'I have always been bored when I've read,
Poems Byronic,
So I find it ironic,
When limericks
pour from my head.'
©1999, 2002. FIRST PUBLISHED IN POETIC HOURS ISSUE 11, AUTUMN 1998
COPYRIGHT
STATEMENT: © 2000, 2003. THE
LIMERICKS REPRODUCED ON THESE WEB PAGES HAVE ALL BEEN PREVIOUSLY PUBLISHED IN
VARIOUS UK POETRY JOURNALS AND PUBLICATIONS. THEY ARE REPRODUCED HERE SOLELY IN
ACCORDANCE WITH THE TERMS OF NATIONAL AND INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT LAWS. I,
RICHARD LONG, ASSERT MY MORAL AND LEGAL RIGHT TO BE IDENTIFIED AS THE AUTHOR OF
THESE VERSES IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE UNITED KINGDOM COPYRIGHT, DESIGNS AND
PATENTS ACT 1988. THE REPRODUCTION OF THESE VERSES ON THESE WEB PAGES DOES NOT
IN ANY WAY INDICATE THAT THESE VERSES ARE NOW IN THE PUBLIC DOMAIN. NONE OF
THESE LIMERICKS MAY BE REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM, ELECTRONIC OR OTHERWISE, WITHOUT
THE EXPLICIT PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR, AND WITHOUT THE CLEAR IDENTIFICATION OF
THE NAME OF THE AUTHOR.
This page last modified 08/07/04
www.richardlong.org.uk