there was a young man who sent e-mails

there was a young man who sent e-mails
The incomplete collected limericks of Richard C. Long

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.com

There was a young man who said: 'Hey!,
Some e-mail addresses don't say,
What country they're from,
They just say .com
Where others say co.uk'

Ode to the Dewey Decimal Library Classification System.

There was an old person who listed,
And numbered each book that existed,
They said to him: 'Dewey!,
Decimals? Phooey!',
'They do have a point', he insisted.

There Was an Old Bloke in The Bible.

There was an old bloke in the Bible,
Built an Ark as a means of survival,
But due to a flaw,
There were fights tooth and claw,
Each animal there had a rival.

Affairs of State.

Said the President to the Intern;
'It's not only for you that I yearn,
It is merely that you,
Were the first in the queue,
I'll get round to the others in turn.'

Mulder & Scully.

An FBI Agent named Mulder,
Bore the cares of the world on his shoulder,
When people asked why,
He answered them 'I,
Work with Scully but don't get to hold her.'

Goliath was Taller.

Goliath was taller and fatter,
Than those he intended to batter,
But David stayed calm,
He composed a quick psalm,
And then showed him that size doesn't matter.

How To Get Ahead in Poetry.

There once was a young man who said,
That; 'The poets most frequently read,
Are most of them linked,
By being extinct,
So clearly it helps to be dead'.

If Time and Space are Random.

If time and space are random,
It's hard to understand 'em,
Things aren't so odd,
If you picture a God,
Quod erat demonstrandum.

There Was an Old Man of Tibet.

There was an old man of Tibet,
Who said; 'Don't put your wealth in the Net,
If your route to success,
Is a dotcom address,
Then you're certain to end up in debt.'

Three Wise Men From Afar.

When three wise men from afar,
Came following a heavenly star,
They travelled by camel,
An unruly mammal,
It might have been quicker by car.

Everything I Know About Wales.

There is a small country called Wales,
Where the trains run on narrow-gauge rails,
The people eat leek,
At least once a week,
And the choirs are all full of males.

There Was an Old Person From France.

There was an old person from France,
Who told me; 'Free will? Not a chance!,
For our physical worth,
Is pre-programmed at birth,
And our choices are made in advance.'

They Say There's a Thing in Loch Ness.

They say there's a thing in Loch Ness,
So forgive me now if I digress,
But there's nowt in the Loch,
(Save some fish, the odd rock),
But the Tourist Board need the success.

Blow It.

There was a young man who said; 'Blow it!,
Something is wrong and I know it,
For I try all I can,
But I can't rhyme or scan,
So I'll never make it as a poet.'

Was Cain Not the Killer of Abel?

Was Cain not the killer of Abel,
Or is that a Biblical fable?,
Did the children of Noah,
Watch floodwaters lower,
Whilst building the tower of Babel?

There Was a Young Woman I Met.

There was a young woman I met,
Who said; 'The one thing I regret,
Is a moment of mirth,
With a soldier from Perth,
And a barbershop singing quartet.'

There Was a Young Man From Milan.

There was a young man from Milan,
Whose limericks just didn't scan,
The endings were wrong,
They were often too long,
Or finished abruptly.

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COPYRIGHT STATEMENT: © 2000, 2006. THE LIMERICKS REPRODUCED ON THESE WEB PAGES HAVE ALL BEEN PREVIOUSLY PUBLISHED IN VARIOUS UK POETRY JOURNALS AND PUBLICATIONS. THEY ARE REPRODUCED HERE SOLELY IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE TERMS OF NATIONAL AND INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT LAWS. I, RICHARD LONG, ASSERT MY MORAL AND LEGAL RIGHT TO BE IDENTIFIED AS THE AUTHOR OF THESE VERSES IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE UNITED KINGDOM COPYRIGHT, DESIGNS AND PATENTS ACT 1988. THE REPRODUCTION OF THESE VERSES ON THESE WEB PAGES DOES NOT IN ANY WAY INDICATE THAT THESE VERSES ARE NOW IN THE PUBLIC DOMAIN. NONE OF THESE LIMERICKS MAY BE REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM, ELECTRONIC OR OTHERWISE, WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR, AND WITHOUT THE CLEAR IDENTIFICATION OF THE NAME OF THE AUTHOR.

This page last modified 18/03/03
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