there was a young man who sent e-mails

there was a young man who sent e-mails
The incomplete collected limericks of Richard C. Long

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Genesis, Chapter 3, Verses 11-12.

Said God; 'That's the fruit, I believe,
That I'm certain I told you to leave,
What led you to take,
The advice of a snake?',
Said Adam; 'I blame it on Eve.'

The Loneliness of the Long-Distance E-Mailer.

There was a young person online,
Who said; 'Posting letters is fine,
But it's quicker to load 'em,
Into a modem,
And so I just e-mail mine.'

When Jonah Was Inside the Whale.

When Jonah was inside the whale,
He probably went rather pale,
And said; 'What I wish,
Is to exit this fish,
By the mouth and not via the tail.'

There Was a Young Man Who Took Pills.

There was a young man who took pills,
To cure all manner of ills,
Though the label said not,
He consumed the whole pot,
Now he's dead. (But he has no more ills.)

Canute.

There was an old king named Canute,
And the tide he tried to re-route,
But he soon had to flee,
From the incoming sea,
So he can't have been very astute.

Are Dolphins Intelligent?

Are dolphins intelligent? Never!,
They don't even show much endeavour,
It seems that they'd sooner,
Be friendly with tuna,
And they aren't particularly clever.

The Bates Motel.

There is a Motel named Bates,
Where the guests suffer terrible fates,
Just stay a few hours,
Then die in the showers.
(They charge very reasonable rates.)

When Newton Sat Under a Tree.

When Newton sat under a tree,
An apple above him broke free,
A Golden Delicious,
It struck him quite vicious,
I'm glad it was him and not me.

There Was a Young Girl Whose Attire.

There was a young girl whose attire,
Soon set all the clergy a-fire,
She displayed her knickers,
To various vicars,
And all of the boys in the choir.

From Bad to Much Worse.

There was a young man who said: 'I'd,
Quite willingly swallow my pride,
And admit that my verse,
Went from bad to much worse,
But at least I can say that I tried.'

Oedipus.

Said Oedipus: 'What have I done?,
I shouldn't have married my Mum!,
I'm all in a lather,
I've murdered my father;
Complex? I think I've got one.'

If Albert Einstein Hadn't Cared.

If Albert Einstein hadn't cared,
Or maybe even hadn't dared,
To tell us so,
We'd never know,
That e=mc².

The World's First Unsinkable Ship.

'I have booked us a fabulous trip,
On the world's first unsinkable ship,
There's no need to panic,
We're on the Titanic!
(Did anyone notice a drip?)'

Verse for a Birthday Card.

There once was a man who said: 'Hey!,
Many Happy Returns of the Day!,
If I may be so bold,
You are getting quite old,
And soon you'll be haggard and grey.'

Old Poets Don't Die.

Alfred Lord Tennyson, I would suppose,
Must be resting today in eternal repose,
Shelley was drowned,
But this I have found,
Old poets don't die - they just decompose.

There Was an Old Person From Tonga.

There was an old person from Tonga,
Caught an Underground train towards Ongar,
But found himself stepping,
On the platform at Epping,
Since trains go to Ongar no longer.

There Was a Young Man on Death Row.

There was a young man on Death Row,
Said: 'How I got here I really don't know,
To fry in a chair,
Does seem rather unfair,
But I'll have the best seat in the show!'

Darwin for Beginners.

There was an old man with a beard,
Who said: 'When our species appeared,
We at first took the shape,
Of a primitive ape,
But were gradually re-engineered.'

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COPYRIGHT STATEMENT: © 2000, 2006. THE LIMERICKS REPRODUCED ON THESE WEB PAGES HAVE ALL BEEN PREVIOUSLY PUBLISHED IN VARIOUS UK POETRY JOURNALS AND PUBLICATIONS. THEY ARE REPRODUCED HERE SOLELY IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE TERMS OF NATIONAL AND INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT LAWS. I, RICHARD LONG, ASSERT MY MORAL AND LEGAL RIGHT TO BE IDENTIFIED AS THE AUTHOR OF THESE VERSES IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE UNITED KINGDOM COPYRIGHT, DESIGNS AND PATENTS ACT 1988. THE REPRODUCTION OF THESE VERSES ON THESE WEB PAGES DOES NOT IN ANY WAY INDICATE THAT THESE VERSES ARE NOW IN THE PUBLIC DOMAIN. NONE OF THESE LIMERICKS MAY BE REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM, ELECTRONIC OR OTHERWISE, WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR, AND WITHOUT THE CLEAR IDENTIFICATION OF THE NAME OF THE AUTHOR.

This page last modified 08/07/04
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